This morning I was just thinking that I must have been having a bit of a hot-flash because I was comfortable wearing a pair of shorts and a short-sleeved t-shirt even though it was about forty degrees outside. Now I didn’t go outside wearing that but I liked that I felt comfortable enough to wear summer clothing inside on a clear yet very windy day here in January.
But as soon as I had that thought my internal a/c switch kicked off and I got cold. So I put on a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved t-shirt.
Then I got to thinking I should enjoy these hot flashes because I’d rather feel hot than cold. I hate feeling cold because when I’m cold I just want to hide under the covers until I stop feeling cold. But then being cocooned under the covers gets me so hot I break out into a sweat.
I really can’t do a lot about the coming hurricane of menopause so I have decided to try and enjoy what I can from it instead. This thought got me thinking that despite the sarcastic cynicism that I sometimes revel in a little too much, deep down I’m an optimist. But my optimism is more Monty Python-‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ in that it’s optimism with a good dose of sarcasm and cynicism.
Why should I fight something, or piss and moan about it, or feel sad and sorry for myself over something that I have no way of vanquishing? Menopause, like most problems in life, isn’t one that can be solved like a math equation. It’s just something you have to go through and try to alleviate the symptoms if possible. In my case, due to my late mother’s cancer, hormones are out for me. I’ll definitely give supplements a try to keep the hot flashes from turning me into a Captain Marvel-like raging inferno though if a hot flash could make me look and fly like she does I’d be so damn happy. But alas, I don’t think I have any hope of turning into Captain Marvel so I’ll be the trusty sidekick instead.
A few weeks ago I decided the crazy-ass mood-swings of PMS were to be ridden like a tiger rather than make me running away screaming in terror. So now I want to be a blazing-hot, flaming-flying, mood-swinging bad-ass tiger. Which is what I tell myself now especially when my mood swings to ‘I want to break down and cry for no damn good reason’. When I have that stupid breakdown-thought I now tell that dumb-shit thought to shut the fuck up. There is very little in life worth breaking down and crying over so I’m saving up any tears for that. Besides, if you break down and cry every five minutes your eyes will get puffy and you’ll go through Kleenex like you’d go through toilet paper after eating at Taco Bell. And I know people love Taco Bell but the food there doesn’t love me therefore I will do my best not to bring any type of that toilet-paper consuming misery on myself.
For many, many years I’ve felt like I’ve had to hide my optimism. I was told that I was an idiot for looking for a bright spot to things, or that I didn’t have the knowledge or experience to find that bright side. And as I read back over that last sentence I realize how stupid that was, and that the people spouting that bullshit to me were dumber than a bag of rocks. If you can find something to laugh about, or just smile about regardless of the situation you’re in, do so. And if someone doesn’t like that or tries to put you down or undermine you, tell them to fuck off or just give them the silent treatment and hope their bowels get unplugged later and they have to ration toilet paper.
So by the last sentence about you can see I’m not a blind-optimist. I’m a sarcastic and somewhat nasty one. But I refuse to think about why some people have to be so damn rigid in their thinking or how they want the world around them to be. If someone’s not unloading their bladder or bowels on everyone else, or burning everything to the ground, leave them be. If they want to sing and dance, or just smile and laugh, let them. This rigid-don’t-ever-laugh-at-anything bullshit makes my blood boil because it’s designed to slowly poison a person’s heart and soul. It’s like telling young children they can’t laugh at silly things or have fun at all. That attempt to kill laughter is totally evil to me so I know that’s what causes my blood to boil.
Don’t let your blood boil like that unless you’re using the heat to make coffee. And don’t get your bowels so locked up that you can’t laugh at anything. And don’t think that everyone has to be a certain way that only you get to decide. Most people aren’t this uptight but the crappy thing is, their voices are pretty damn loud.
So I say crank up your own rock ‘n’ roll and find your own optimism. Even if it’s a brief laugh, or a single joke, or a single sarcastic barb. Your heart and soul will thank you.