I think Ms. Parker was definitely talking about me because I’m the girl that guys never make a pass at, either in person or online. And I’m fine with not getting the unwanted-jerk advances but I know that all guys aren’t jerks. But the thing is, I don’t even get any proposals good or bad. It’s like I’m invisible and despite what I just said, I’m not totally okay with that. I know someone out there will tell me to put myself out there like on a dating website or just try to socialize. The thing is, I don’t do socialization very well. I’m the odd duck out and have been all my life.
But I’m not that freaking odd. I can actually converse in complete sentences, laugh at jokes, get into things that I’m not knowledgeable about, and I’m not a hideous ugly monster. Yes, I wear glasses, carry extra weight, and have a crooked back. But I’m not the freaking Hunchback of Notre Dame and honestly I don’t deserve to be looked as such (and neither did he deserve the crap he got- I always rooted for him in the story).
I don’t know what it is about me that doesn’t attract male attention. And before you say I should just go up to somebody… what if they’re not even remotely interested in me? What I am pretty much ignored and blown off? Been there, done that, and that’s definitely not an experience I care to repeat. Maybe this means I’ll die a lonely old lady with just animals for company. But that’s not a life-goal of mine so hence the bitching here.
I’m not anti-social but I will freely admit I don’t like jerky people. I don’t like people who think they can put me down then try to write that off by telling me I should just take their shit because I didn’t laugh at the joke that was at my expense. Maybe that’s made me more than a little leery of being around people but for some crazy reason that I have yet to figure out, this has happened to me a lot over the years.
I hate to sound like I’m whining here, or that I shouldn’t complain about being ignored altogether. Personally, I have the right like anyone else to whine and bitch so kiss my ass there, and I don’t feel like I should be ignored. Now I’m not talking going all Glenn Close-Fatal Attraction here with the being ignored thing, but I’m not going to stop being who I am. And if I’m still figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life, that’s alright. I sure as hell don’t want to tell anyone else what to do with their life or run it so maybe I’m an idiot for wanting the same in return.
I’m not an idiot nor will I let someone treat me as such. And maybe the reason I get ignored is that I’m giving off that vibe. But how freaking hard is it to treat someone with basic respect and decency? How hard is it to just try and be nice to everyone you meet? And how hard is it for someone like me to take a risk knowing what’s happened before, and what can happen again? It is hard, and I know it’s something I need to work on.
But just because I’m a girl wears glasses, and isn’t a fashion-plate, and may be more than a bit guarded doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a chance. I just need to figure out how to create those chance-opportunities for myself.