Not Giving Up, Or Giving In

I had this thought when I got into my car this morning after a trip to HEB (to get a few things and come out $2 under the budget I’d set for this trip). And the reason I started with ‘sometimes’ is that I want anyone reading this to know that it’s okay to have shitty feelings even if you’ve gotten through whatever crap life decided to throw at you. I don’t ever want anyone to feel like they can’t have negative emotions at all, or that they can’t call ‘bullshit’ on the crap that life likes to throw out on a regular basis, too.

But I will say this: don’t gorge yourself on the bad emotions either, or feel like you have to have them more than the good ones. If you feel something good, don’t try and kick it out yourself or let anyone else do that to you. You can’t control anyone else’s mood so don’t let anyone else do the same to you. And don’t feel like you have to be a certain way to fit in with the crowd because the crowd is made up of imperfect people just like you even if they act like they never make a mistake, or take a shit that stinks up the bathroom on occasion.

I will say that in the last few days I’ve been very tired, hurting, and all-around pissed off at damn near everything. And I hate feeling like that even though I know it’s perfectly alright to feel that way and it means I’m human. But I don’t want to walk around feeling like that forever. So getting up today and not feeling so bad helped me and I decided to run with that instead of moping around. My life is far from perfect but it’s on a track I can change speed and direction on, too.

And changing direction and speed was the catalyst to the thought I had for today. My mind doesn’t really ever shut down except if I’m in a deep sleep. It’s a major pain in the ass sometimes to have thoughts and ideas constantly tearing about in my head along with my over-active imagination. But from time to time, a thought of clarity comes out and I really like that feeling.

So it’s okay to think and feel like shit. Just don’t give in to it, and don’t surrender to it either. That’s not an easy thing to do but then my father always used to tell me, life would never be easy for me but it’s worth living through.

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