Tag Archives: bullocks

Writing Inspiration Bullocks

I’m sure there is someone out in this world who would love to slap my mouth shut for putting those three words together in today’s blog title. But sometimes I feel like all I see when it comes to writing is finding the motivation and inspiration to write instead of complete works of writing instead.

So in response to all that glorious writing motivation and inspiration I say this:

You don’t have to write.

I know you may feel like if you don’t write your brain is going to explode or all your wonderful ideas and stories will just die with you and take a few million years to regroup from the stardust of your demise. But that’s not going to happen because you felt like you had to write, but because you went out and wrote then edited the crap out of what you wrote till it shined like a clean toilet.

I write despite all the bullshit that comes along with it. But I refuse to be all high-and-mighty and lofty and say ‘I have to write’. No, for me it is a conscious choice to park my butt and write the words and edit the crap out of them before I share them with the rest of the world.

For me it’s never been about having the need to write, but wanting to do it. It’s wanting to see the words hit the page, wanting to push myself to sharpen them to the brightest points, and hearing their truth not just inside my head, but with my own ears, too.

I know I don’t have to be in the perfect mood to write. I know my mind can be a mess and most of all, I know it doesn’t have to be set in a certain way. I can write in a flying-hot good mood, or in a dark and cold pisser of a mood. And I can always edit until I get it to where it flows the way I want it to. I don’t have to kill my darlings but instead keep at them until they make it out of the jungle of my mind.

I don’t need a room of my own, or a lot of time, either. And as for the thoughts that question the worth of my words and whether they’re good enough for others to see, bullocks to them. I know someone out in the world won’t like me and what I write, but I’ve kept on going despite being told that in more variations than I care to admit to. Every day I feel like I’m learning more and more how to kick that crap out of my way even when it keeps coming into my path.

So if you’re looking for any writing inspiration from me I’ll tell you one thing: write because you want to, and never mind the bullocks that comes along with it.

Never Mind the Bollocks of Peer Pressure

From Wikipedia:

“Bollocks” is a word of Middle English origin, meaning “testicles”. The word is often used figuratively in colloquial British English and Hiberno-English as a noun to mean “nonsense”, an expletive following a minor accident or misfortune, or an adjective to mean “poor quality” or “useless”.

Yesterday I muttered the word ‘bullocks!’ in the car while I as alone. And I have to say that word sounds like stale-shit in my American accent but I do like the way it feels when I say it. And I would like to add to the above definition that I think ‘bullocks’ can be substituted for ‘bullshit’ if you want to avoid profanity.

But this morning that word came to me and set off a chain reaction of thought that culminated in this:

Peer pressure is a load of bullocks.

The reason I say peer pressure is a load of bullocks is for me it’s never been about being pressured to do things like drink, smoke, or hang out and be somebody. No, peer pressure for me was being told to ‘fuck off’, or some variation of that. I used to think this made me a failure as a person despite the stiff upper-lip attitude I tried to project. Now that stiff upper-lip is a punk-rock sneer and here’s why:

Over the two decades I was in telephone customer service I was coached to, and coached others to always tell myself not to take a customer’s shit personally because it wasn’t personal. Honestly, those people on the other end of the line didn’t know me from a hole in the wall even if they claimed to. I had to tell myself I drew the short end of the spaghetti cord (spaghetti cord is a call-center slang term for phone cord) and had to deal with someone’s bullshit rantings several times a day. And it’s not that you develop a thick skin and a armor-plated attitude against this bullshit, but deep-down you realize that a raving asshole telling you you’re a pile of shit doesn’t mean you are one if you’re not doing anything wrong.

And this ‘don’t take it personally’ thing dovetails to peer pressure because if someone is trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, or something that everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it, it’s not personal. Because to be a little cliched here, if someone cares about you as a person they’ll actually listen to you, care about you, and try not to make you feel like shit if you’re not doing anything wrong. So if you’re not doing anything wrong and someone gives you shit for it, bullocks to them.

But in a semi-screwball way now that I think about it, I’m glad I listened to the peer-pressure bullshit to ‘fuck off’. Because although I’ve been alone for a long, long time and spend most of my time inside my head these days, it’s not a bad place. I get human interaction as an Uber driver so I’m not a hermit. Instead, I want anyone reading this to know they don’t have to take bullshit inside themselves and drown in it. Or curl up into a ball feeling like a failure. Because if you woke up alive and kicking on the sunny-side of planet Earth, you’re doing just fine.

And if someone tries to use peer-pressure tactics to tell you to fuck off, do so. Go off and do your own thing and be good doing it. Because I believe if you do that, things will eventually fall into place sooner or later.

Besides, it’s better to be doing something than sitting on your ass feeling sad and sorry for yourself. Been there, done that, burned the fucking t-shirt.