Sometimes all you can do is keep trying, and sometimes that just means getting out of bed and going to work. It’s survival mode sometimes and definitely not how anyone wants to live. And I hate to say it, when I get in that mode it becomes a downward spiral of resentment that creeps into hopelessness.
Case in point: I didn’t make as much money as I wanted to this weekend and I don’t know if my mojo was messed up, or I wasn’t in the right place at the right time. But that was neither here nor there as I just had to shut up and deal with it. I packed it in on Saturday night and woke up early Sunday morning thinking I’d just bury my face in the pillow and wallow in my misery. But I saw the time and remembered the Monaco Grand Prix was on. So I turned the tv on and was so glad I did.
This year’s race was won by Daniel Ricciardo racing for the Red Bull Aston Martin team. Now Daniel had the pole position, fastest times in practice and qualifying and it looked like he was on his smiley-way to the podium. Then around lap 20 he comes over the radio and says he’s losing engine power. I of course screamed, “NO!” at the tv since previous issues with power usually took him out of the race altogether. But he and the team refused to take the car out unless the car died. Instead, they worked together to nurse the car to the finish and the win. It wasn’t the way they wanted to win the race but the result was the same.
So that’s a lesson here: sometimes life may not go the way we want it to, but if we get to where we need to go, or want to go, then it’s worth it. I know life isn’t a race and not all races are won. But the races that are won sometimes aren’t easy. I know hard shit is a pain the ass (pardon the pun here), but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
I’m proud of myself for not getting into a one-legged ass-kicking contest with myself over going radio-silent again and just retreating into a hidey-hole somewhere. I snapped out of that downward spiral last night and I’m feeling better this morning because of it. The boogey-man monsters in my mind aren’t real and I don’t need to give them any energy to try and take over. I live one day at a time with an eye on the future and that’s okay. Things don’t always go to plan but you have to keep on going. It sucks sometimes but I was told from as far back as I could remember that life wasn’t going to be easy.