I was baptized Catholic but do not identify as one. I broke with the Church not just because I disagree with most of their positions but because of the way they have NOT handled the sexual abuse scandal and other past sins against their own followers. I can’t separate the beauty of the Mass and the Word of God from an organization that has perpetuated so much pain and suffering on its’ own people. This is solely my choice and I want everyone reading here to know that I believe each person has to find their own spiritual-religious way in this world as I have found mine.
I was thinking recently in all my life I’ve never been angry with God. I’ve never gotten pissed off thinking God should have done something to help me and wasn’t there for me when I needed Him. But then I’ve never really seen God as some old white-bearded guy sitting on a big throne high up in the sky hurling crap down on humans just because He could, or was bored, or just pissed off at us. I never felt like God was hurling crap down on me because I was a screw-up. I just figured shit happened to me because either I was being an idiot, or because people were being mean and cruel to me. Either way, God didn’t figure into my misery so therefore I had no anger to direct at him to begin with.
For me, God is a guiding force. He’s the light in the darkness lighting up the road to follow and all I have to do is keep my eyes open to see that. He’s also the kind and forgiving light that lifts shame and guilt that I don’t have to feel.
Now I have begun to refer to the Goddess and for me, she is the intuition that lives inside of me. She’s also the force that helps me to gauge whether or not someone, or something is worth taking a risk on. Or better put, The Goddess runs the numbers and God checks the road conditions before we all set out.
The Universe is their baby and it’s the world we lived in fueled by free will, and the actions and choices people make because of that. Shit happens sometimes just because things fall apart, fall and shatter, or you just get caught in the rain. Also, bad things happen because people make bad choices and worst of all, because people act without empathy, conscience, or compassion and cause pain and suffering unto others. The Universe is powered and guided by our actions and because of that, we have the ability to learn, grow, change, and do better.
Oh, and Satan to me is a vengeance-god and Hell is where unrepentant people are sent to live out their eternity in pain and torment because of the pain and suffering they have brought onto others. Heaven to me is a place free of pain and suffering, and of second chances for those who are repentant of their sins against others.
So as you can see my religious-spiritual beliefs are sort of all over the place, and not in line with most mainstream religious denominations. I don’t believe you have to have anyone or anything intercede on your behalf to have a relationship with the divine, or in my case, my divine trinity of God, the Goddess, and the Universe. I think if you do your best to live by the belief in good over evil, to live with empathy, compassion, conscience, and kindness, you’re going to be alright. To me, faith is believing that where you have good you can also have bad, or worse, evil. I always tell people you have to figure out your own way of doing things, but I also believe the path you need to take can be seen if you just open your eyes, and your heart and soul to all the possibilities. It’s why I believe there is so much spiritual and religious diversity in the world because everyone has to find their own way. As long as that way is without evil, hatred, or cruelty, it’s a good way.
Or better put, we don’t need to blow ourselves to kingdom come to reach the divine in the world. And we certainly don’t need to hate on one another just because we’re different. I don’t hate anyone who is mean, cruel, or unkind. I don’t like them and I refuse to back down from them now. Hatred is a poison to the heart and soul but not hating doesn’t mean you can’t call people out on their hatred, cruelty, or lack of empathy and compassion.
Believing in guidance and intuition along with people being responsible for their own actions and deeds has given me more hope than ever. My belief system helps to keep me from going into fight-or-flight mode when I don’t need to. It also keeps me from hitting the outrage or panic buttons, too. Because even if the world is coming to an end, there’s nothing you can do about it unless you’ve got the power to stop it (like access to nuclear launch codes). But you can’t live your life as if we’re on the brink. And you can’t live it in an angry and bitter way either. Because an absence of hope and laughter is toxic to the soul. It’s no way to live and that’s why I’m trying my best to live with laughter and hope along with good.
So God guides me while the Goddess makes sure I can see the hazards in the road, and the Universe laughs like a kid at a fart joke as we all go down the highway of life waiting to see what’s going to happen next.